Half Pain

How far back should I have to go?
Tell me.
Everything is
So painfully vivid.

The truth is,
We couldn't understand each other at all
So I left and didn't look back.

Fall into a light sleep
It encompasses my very being
I never carry out my promises
So long ago,
I threw away my brightness
And like the light from the morning sun,
It can never return.

It lies beside this cold heart
Frozen
So completely mindless
That it persists forever.

Numbly, I gather the remnants of my emotions
And searching for redemption.

I fall into a light sleep
On a lonely night
I'm beginning to learn the designs of sorrow
The hiding away
Of your warm presence
Makes me fear the overflowing darkness.

Update!!

oh my gawd! finally, i was able to update my manga section. it took quite a while but it was worth it. i thought i wouldn't be able to but i guess i persevere. it gave me a bit of a headache though. by the way, the newly added manga titles has a mark in it so it's easy to spot. well, that's just about it. i think i need a nap. 

my life isn't really in shambles but i have to say it is pretty much in a limbo. it might not be by choice however, you could say that because of some decisions i had i ended up being stuck in this place. back then, i didn't actually mind. right now is a different story. 

i've never been the clingy type (well, i think so) but when i look at my life closely i did figure out that i actually am, not in the sense of intimacy or even on objects or even on people, more on stuff that i did not do. yes, this is where the "things-i-should-have-done" and "things-that-i-should-have-never-have-done" comes to mind. i seem to really get stuck on those regrets; regrets that i should have voiced this thought or regrets that i should have done this instead. they keep on running and running through my head that i seem to forget that i should be living my life as of right now. i so wanted to move on and forget about those but it seems as if that whenever i took a step forward after that i took one step backward in which i end up not moving at all. i end up having nothing and getting stuck. it is so hard and frustrating but i can't help it. i am aware of the problem yet i can't do anything about it. i wanted closure on some stuff in my life. i wanted it so badly i could taste it. 

i sure hope that one of this days, i'll look back at this and say: "finally". i promise myself that i will keep on trying until i succeed. so till then, i need to bear it.