♥ Back on Track

after of almost a week of sickness, i finally felt fine. it was one hell of a week since i am not the type of person who usually gets sick. amm.. to tell you the truth i seldom get ill so when i do it felt like all the sickness i was suppose to have just came rushing in one stroke. i feel as if i got thinner because of fever, flu and cough so i have to eat plenty just to get back into shape. well, not to mention that all my plans for this week was wreck. urggg.

another thing is that the site in which i usually download ebooks was shut down due to copyright issues so now i don't have any idea where am i going to download my books. i'm an avid reader so this is quite a problem. what utter bummer. on a good note, i found a site where i can download any anime series as much as i want so it's not a total wreck week. good thing cause i was thinking that this week was a total jinx. wahahahahaha! anyway, i started watching Prince of Tennis again just to avoid boredom and stared to reread Christine Feehan and Julie Garwood's books. well, things are turning out better than i hope for.

♥ Just So You Know

I shouldn't love you but I want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

And I don't know
How to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know
How to make a feeling stop

Just so you know
This feeling's takin' control
Of me and I can't help it
I won't sit around
I can't let him win now

Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go
Of you but I don't want to
I just gotta say it all before I go
Just so you know

It's gettin' hard to be around you
There's so much I can't say
Do you want me to hide the feelings
And look the other away

This emptiness is killin' me
And I'm wonderin' why I've waited so long
Lookin' back I realize it was always there
Just never spoken

I'm waitin' here
Been waitin' here

this song just hit me right on the spot. but i did promise
myself that i'll shut my mouth before i say something
i'll regret. someday i'll just look at this and say
something like "good for you" or just laugh it off. well,
i sure hope so or die trying. xP

♥ Best Foot Forward

while doing some searching within myself, i've found the answer that i've been looking for. i won't hide anymore, i'll be forging up ahead. i think it is time for me to move forward with my own two feet. i won't hesitate anymore. if i stumble and fall, i'll pull myself up. i think it's time to look toward the future, i'll leave the past behind and i will not be looking back now. i've been deluding myself in thinking that i can change the past, now i know it can never happened.

in regards to my feelings, i am now surer than ever that everything i feel is true. however, i think that i'll just keep it to myself. i don't want to confuse him anymore since i know that he is already happy. some people might say that i'm being such a martyr but i found that his happiness is much more important than my own and i don't want to feel happy in expense to other people's pain. i know how it felt to be left behind, so i don't want someone to feel that same feeling. now I've realized that I’d rather have everyone hurt and betray me instead of the other way around.

♥ The Scarlet Chair

You're so precious to me..
that I can't even begin to put it into words..

~ King Lucaria ~