Half Pain

How far back should I have to go?
Tell me.
Everything is
So painfully vivid.

The truth is,
We couldn't understand each other at all
So I left and didn't look back.

Fall into a light sleep
It encompasses my very being
I never carry out my promises
So long ago,
I threw away my brightness
And like the light from the morning sun,
It can never return.

It lies beside this cold heart
Frozen
So completely mindless
That it persists forever.

Numbly, I gather the remnants of my emotions
And searching for redemption.

I fall into a light sleep
On a lonely night
I'm beginning to learn the designs of sorrow
The hiding away
Of your warm presence
Makes me fear the overflowing darkness.

Update!!

oh my gawd! finally, i was able to update my manga section. it took quite a while but it was worth it. i thought i wouldn't be able to but i guess i persevere. it gave me a bit of a headache though. by the way, the newly added manga titles has a mark in it so it's easy to spot. well, that's just about it. i think i need a nap. 

my life isn't really in shambles but i have to say it is pretty much in a limbo. it might not be by choice however, you could say that because of some decisions i had i ended up being stuck in this place. back then, i didn't actually mind. right now is a different story. 

i've never been the clingy type (well, i think so) but when i look at my life closely i did figure out that i actually am, not in the sense of intimacy or even on objects or even on people, more on stuff that i did not do. yes, this is where the "things-i-should-have-done" and "things-that-i-should-have-never-have-done" comes to mind. i seem to really get stuck on those regrets; regrets that i should have voiced this thought or regrets that i should have done this instead. they keep on running and running through my head that i seem to forget that i should be living my life as of right now. i so wanted to move on and forget about those but it seems as if that whenever i took a step forward after that i took one step backward in which i end up not moving at all. i end up having nothing and getting stuck. it is so hard and frustrating but i can't help it. i am aware of the problem yet i can't do anything about it. i wanted closure on some stuff in my life. i wanted it so badly i could taste it. 

i sure hope that one of this days, i'll look back at this and say: "finally". i promise myself that i will keep on trying until i succeed. so till then, i need to bear it.

Oppss.. I Forgot.

yay! finally i am able to post something in this blog. the truth is i already forgot that i have this one. i actually clicked a wrong button in my computer and suddenly.. tadan.. i rediscovered this. hahaha. how lame can i get? anyway, i have been quite busy with a lot of stuff this past months. been busy reading manga, fanfictions and books, which reminds me that i haven't update my accomplished or finished manga list yet. talk about being forgetful eh. i have to, really, remember that. oh yeah, i added another link to this blog, by the way. my own instagram account. so you people should check it out if you want and you could follow *wink* *wink*. anyway, that's it for the update. i should update a lot more, i think. i hope i remember.

Words I Couldn't Say

In a book, in a box, in the closet
In a line, in a song I once heard
In a moment on a front porch late one June
In a breath inside a whisper beneath the moon.

There it was at the tips of my fingers
There it was on the tip of my tongue
There you were and I had never been that far
There it was the whole world wrapped inside my arms
And I let it all slip away.

What do I do now that you're gone
No back up plan, no second chance
And no one else to blame
All I can hear in the silence that remains
Are the words I couldn't say.

There's a rain that will never stop fallin'
There's a wall that I tried to take down
What I should have said just wouldn't pass my lips
So I held back and now we've come to this
And it's too late now.

I should have found the way to tell you how I felt
Now the only one I'm telling is myself.

It's Been a While.

oh la la.. it's been a while.. *eherm* okay, it's been what a year or so since i last posted here in my blog. as i've said before, i've been busy as hell as i've been since.. well.. forever..work was so hectic and i've been catching up with real life and stuff so i didn't have enough time to sit and think of what to type here. but, anyway, i promise myself that i'll be posting as much as i can since i may have a bit of time on my hands.

on a different note, i've been thinking that i probably should start writing again soon. you know, something like a fantasy fiction. i already have a concept on how the story will go so all i need is a day or so to sit down and think how to start it. lmao. well, i sure hope that everything will go according to plan. if not.. *grin* let's see how things will work.

♥ What To Do

 i've been thinking of shutting this blog down since i don't have much time to post. i've been quite busy with work so i can't update as much as i want to, not to mention that instead of randomly posting stuff which comes to my mind i've been creating poems this days. i'm hesitant to post those here since it's much more personal that doing this (haha). or if not a total shut down, it'll be hiatus. hmmm.. if i decided to do a hiatus or semi-hiatus, instead of posting twice or once a month, it'll probably be once every two months. ha! i'm not sure.. arggg!! well, whatever..

BUT i won't shut down my tumblr. it'll always be up and about. well, i even created another tumblr account. that one is much more private so i'll not be putting the link here. if you want to follow that one, you hafta discover that tumblr blog of mine. eherm.. that's all. oh yeah, i'll update my manga list one of these days before the BIG decision. wait for it.

♥ Do You..

♥ Everytime

I'm afraid I'm starting to feel
What I said I would not do
The last time really hurt me

I'm scared to fall in love
Afraid to love so fast
Cuz everytime I fall in love
It seems to never last

But every time your love is near
And every time I'm filled with fear
Cuz every time I see your face
My heart does begin to race everytime

One half wants me to go
One half wants me to stay
I just get so all confused

Everytime your love is near
And every time I'm filled with fear
Cuz every time I see your face
Could it be that this will be the one that lasts?
The fear does start to erase every time
Oh could it be that this will be the one that lasts
For all my times

♥ D.Gray-Man

"No matter what happens, I'll keep on moving.

Until this life runs out of me, I'll keep on walking."

~ Allen Walker ~

♥ Updating

 nothing new today. i just decided to blog since i have some updating to do. first of all, i added a follow me button for my twitter. i decided to do it for my own amusement. no need to click it if you're not interested. i don't mind. i created a twitter account just to voice out what usually comes to my mind. i'm not really comfortable on doing it on facebook so that's why i have a twitter. :) next update is in my Manga Section. i've been meaning to add some finished manga since 2 months ago but usually laziness strikes so i wasn't able to do it. so if you are interested you better check it out. a manga with this symbol (○) means it's new. well, that's the only update i can think of. xP

♥ *Sigh* *Sigh* *Sigh*

 for some reason unknown to me, it seems that some people really gets angry at me. heck, i'm not sure if it's because of my personality or because of what i say to them. really, i'm not the type of person who's very argumentative. i just voice out my opinions from time to time and i admit that i usually joke around. they probably doesn't get my weird sense of humor but honestly i don't mean what i usually say. there are even times that i don't even remember what i said.

i'm tired defending myself so i'll say this once and for all: "don't take what i say too personally or if someone has any problems with me, say it to my face and don't post it publicly.. don't say it to other people.. SAY IT TO ME.. i don't mind receiving criticism. i don't even mind hearing a feedback. if this doesn't work for you then just ignore me or tell me that you find me offensive and i'll stop talking to you." it's much more easier than doing it behind my back, right?

♥ Gravity

Been a long road to follow
Been there and gone tomorrow
Without saying goodbye to yesterday
Are the memories I hold still valid?
Or have the tears deluded them?

Maybe this time tomorrow
The rain will cease to follow
And the mist will fade into one more today
Something somewhere out there keeps calling.

Am I going home?
Will I hear someone
Singing solace to the silent moon?
Zero gravity, what's it like?

Is somebody there beyond these heavy aching feet?
Still the road keeps on telling me to go on
Something is pulling me
I feel the gravity of it all.

♥ This Pain

♥ Someday.. Soon..

i don't know if i'll ever be done waiting. since it already became a habit of mine. someday, i'll probably move both my feet forward and not move a step back. so i'm just patiently standing by. i just keep telling myself that i'll forget the feeling or probably just remember it as a bitter-sweet memory. that day will come. i just know it, so i'll take my time.

♥ Just Because

Just Because – I’m quiet – it doesn’t mean I don’t have a lot to say
Just Because – I appear happy – doesn’t mean everything’s ok
Just Because – I’m sarcastic – doesn’t mean I don’t take things seriously
Just Because – I forgive – doesn’t mean I forget
Just Because – I don’t listen to you – doesn’t mean I don’t care
Just Because – I’m gullible – doesn’t mean you can lie to me
Just Because – I’m stubborn – doesn’t mean I’m not easy going
Just Because – I don’t show my feelings – doesn’t mean I don’t have any
Just Because – I don’t say I love you – doesn’t mean I don’t
Just Because – I’m honest – doesn’t mean I’m outspoken
Just Because – I’m not like you – doesn’t mean I’m weird
Just Because – I’m unsure – doesn’t mean I’m afraid

♥ I Don't Wanna Be Your Friend

I don't wanna see your face
I don't wanna hear your name
I don't wanna thing just stay away, baby

Don't wanna know if you're alright
Or what you're doin' with your life
Don't wanna hear you say that you'll stay in touch maybe

I'll get by just fine
And if you're goin' then darlin' goodbye, goodbye

Don't call me in the middle of the night no more
Don't expect me to be there
Don't think that it'll be the way it was before
Don't think that I care
I'm not over you yet
And I don't wanna be your friend

I'll forget we ever met
I'll forget I ever let
Ever let you into this heart of mine, baby

You just gotta let me be
You gotta keep away from me
'Cause all I want is just to be free from you baby

Don't you come around
And say you still care about me
Just go now, go now

You take it so casually
But baby it's killing me...Yeah

Goodbye, goodbye

Don't call me
Don't come around
Don't wanna be your friend...

♥ In Denial

♥ Chrno Crusade

"I want to change things.

I want to believe that anything can be changed.

The moment I met you,

a new world opened up for me.

You see, after wandering in the darkness for so long,

a light brought me happiness.

It's all thanks to you."

~ Chrono to Rosette ~

♥ Did You Ever Love Somebody

Did you ever love somebody
So much that the earth moved?
Did you ever love somebody
Even though it hurt to?
Did you ever love somebody
Nothing else your heart could do?
Did you ever love somebody
Who never knew?

Did you ever lay your head down
On the shoulder of a good friend?
And then had to look away somehow
Had to hide the way you felt for them
Have you ever prayed the day would come
You'd hear them say they feel it too?
Did you ever love someone
Who never knew?

I do.
And if you did
Well you know I'd understand
I could, I would
More than anybody can

Did you ever love somebody
So much that the earth moved?
Did you ever love somebody
Even though it hurt to?
Did you ever love somebody
Nothing else your heart could do?
Did you ever love somebody
Like I love you?